dance bitches, it's hump day.
Have you even ever seen a chicken? -Michael Bluth
Now, I posted the first part of Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Indie Bands a while back.
Now it's time for part 2
We thought no one left unscathed after Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Indie Bands: Part 1. Fortunately, we were very, very wrong. Last time, we called out Vampire Weekend fans for their ever-subtle Pete & Pete pickup lines, but this time we’ve taken the invective even farther. (Well, hello, Sleigh Bells fans!) Again, in collaboration with Jeff Luppino-Esposito and in tribute to Internet genius Lauren Leto and her “Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Authors,” we rebel against the misguided notion that stereotyping isn’t an awesome idea.
Dudes who are thwarted by the Chinese finger trap every single time.
Guys who don’t get jobs because their potential employer discovered photos of them bro icing on Facebook.
Bar Mitzvah crashers.
People who wish they could mosh with Shrek, Snorlax, and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.
People who throw a shitfit when someone suggests that there are too many indie bands named after animals.
Men who used the cheat code to see naked, poorly-rendered 3D figures showering in The Sims.
That sweaty dude in the mosh pit who referred to your girlfriend as “Baberaham Lincoln.”
The girl who tries to hook up with that same sweaty dude by bragging about her cat.
Toro Y Moi
Deceptively straight males who think “riding the chillwave” is a national pastime.
Dudes who would rather play chess than Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Drinking Game.
Guys who are always worried they accidentally impregnated their girlfriends.
Bitches who think it’s okay to scratch guys who misbehave. And the boys who buy them soy lattes.
Chicks and dudes who semi-ironically aspire to “Superman dat ho” at an indie rock concert.
Pre-Congratulations: 81% of College Freshmen. Post-Congratulations: Guys who consider the ability to store 13 pencils in their hair to be an evolutionary advantage.
Smelly, un-self-aware hipsters who wear mal-fitting baseball caps and probably attend SUNY Purchase.
Girls who get sexually aroused by traditional avian mating calls.
Guys who bought kaliedscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.
Broken Social Scene
People who fantasize about riding an eight-person, single-gear bicycle to the Brooklyn Bowl.
Guys who lit fires in their backyards before hitting puberty. Then they took up smoking.
Mediocre-looking girls who put Zooey Deschanel as their doppelganger on Facebook.
Iron and Wine
Grown men who always get roped into being the DD for “Ladies Night Out” with their mother and her coworkers from Office Depot.
Lonely, chronic masturbators who end up settling for the Cat Power chicks.
Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.
People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.
Virgins, not in the name of God, but as a result of valiant attempts to achieve poetic justice.
Those dicks who still won’t smile, even after you acknowledge their apathy with the “Woah, don’t get too excited!” joke.
People who are obsessed with their creepy uncles.
Dudes who feel the need to comment on how advanced Ren & Stimpy was whenever someone discusses their love for Lilo & Stich.
Belle & Sebastian
People who have ended their tweets on multiple occasions with #BringBackMessengerBags.
Guys who refused to go on Xbox Live with Halo 2 because it eliminated the community aspect of LAN parties.
The Hold Steady
Dads who coach the baseball team, even though their kid sucks.
Chicks who”didn’t agree with the ending” of (500) Days of Summer.
People who felt really bad for Buzz Lightyear when he discovered he couldn’t actually fly. And think Toy Story 3 is a step backwards for Pixar.
Yo La Tengo
Mature men who wish Q104.3 would expand their horizons to alternative old-people music.
Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy)
Guys who use the term “breasts” instead of “boobs” out of respect for their girlfriends.
Girls who wish their boyfriend would stop killing the mood by using the term “breasts.”
“Jesus Christ.” (the indie band)
People who wish they thought of Hipster Puppies.
Fans of Obama before and after his appearance in the “Whoomp! (There It Is)” video.
People who “discover” new bands via NPR.
Guys who initially used the word “bro” ironically and lost sight of their intentions shortly thereafter.
Young men who know what a 401(k) is.
Neutral Milk Hotel
People who get where Christians are coming from with the whole “hope Jesus will rise again” thing.
Guys who have proposed The Holy Mountain as an alternative to watching A Kid in King Arthur’s Court at family get-togethers.
My Morning Jacket
People whose reaction to the Grand Canyon could be summed up as “Eh.”
Enjoy this rain filled wednesday from behind your computer.