Men, Music, and Me

I feel like I'm constantly walking through the twilight zone.
I'm expecting Hitchcock to walk his rotund ass through my doors at any second.

I may even blame this intense yoga work out I'm participating in.
Is it normal to be in those stances 4 days in a row?? Jury is still out.

Today didn't help in that matter. I've been approached by Ex boyfriend of the past.
Counting as one of the 3 serious relationships I've had, in my past, this one was the shortest.
It tested 3 months of my life, and while that seems innocent enough, it was a roller coaster of intensity for those 3 months. Kind of insane when I think back on it.
Words and apologies have long been settled but I haven't seen or heard from him in a couple years. Imagine my surprise when I find he's had a baby.
[not surprised actually, I believe there's something in the water causing this ruckus]
We catch up and of course resort back to our relationship conversation.
Who wouldn't want to hash up old feelings that have since been joked about???
To prove no hard feelings, here is a picture of us. The only one I have, haha.

As you can see, I was not bitter. AT ALL!

There's a point to all of this. Men and music in my life. If you know me, you know that I'm rarely in a serious relationship. Since I was 12, I knew marriage wasn't even imaginable until the age of 28. Most found that so odd for a girl, but it was true. I've seen marriages, including my parents', shrivel into cold words and unnecessary drama. So knowing my abilities, I knew maturity wouldn't reach marriage level until AT THE EARLIEST, age 28. I still fully believe that. Anyway, needless to say, I've dated a lot of men. [I'm also a lady, asshole] and each man that made an impact, is tied in with the music I loved at the time. I kind of hate that aspect of my personality, but in truth, I believe it enhanced the experience for me. Whether that was good or bad is still unresolved.

But the fact is, that man, whom did break my heart gave me something.
Besides my amazing Stewart

Here he is at 6 wks old. UGH!! So CA-UTE!

He gave me Cursive. Probably one of my favorite bands of all time.
Poor thing, he was one of those emos/hardcore kids in LOVE with cursive, coalesce, the get up kids, dashboard, and morrissey. SCENE written all over it.
Obviously, I didn't cry as much as he did, so only a few bands stuck. :P
And Cursive was one of them.
See, when we met, I was a TOTAL house head. Deep house, funky house, everything except happy/hardcore/shootmeinthehead. Even some good old DIVA house. It was all I listened to. Then came muse, rilo kiley, ray lamontagne, then cursive.
Cursive was this guy all the way.

Who else have I had.
I've had a stone temple pilots guy. Yeah, this guy, *sigh* Can I just say NO ONE wears khaki cargo PANTS anymore, love. They just don't. Now with that, I will say, even with that horrible decision in clothing, I did care for him deeply.

Who else, ah, Dave Matthews. DMB guy, well, I do think fondly of him, regardless of my stance on DMB. And he wore dickies. Made me love dickies.

I've had a Merle Haggard, a what I call miss kitten, but really its just euro electro/clash, a lucero, an atmosphere, a willie hutch, an incubus [oh vey], a timo moss, a jimi hendrix, a william fitzsimmons, a the juan maclean, and others.

Probably the only common thing with all of these men, is that it didn't work out.
And it's not that all these men introduced me to this music, but when I hear said music, I think of each of them. I'm drowning in the past soundtrack of my life right now.

My playlist is a little dead at the moment and I know I need to get out of this repetition.

Oh bad habits, you know my type of men so well.

I guess I'm still doing it because I still have a good year to do so before I'll have to become that bridezilla not on the lifetime/oxygen channel.


Haha. Just kidding. I'm fucking eloping if I even get married at all. Actually, I will probably throw a party, just so I can have a dance party with #HTM. Love them.

The point I'm trying to make is that with all the words I've called you, or haven't, you're still in my goddamn head for something. And i'm ok with the something being music.


xo
'legs